Dear Abby: My boyfriend and I recently bought our first home together. It has an outdoor kitchen and other features that he really likes. I like it too, but there have already been some issues in the first month or two. Lately, he’s wanted to have barbecues and get-togethers for his family. Invite all these people I don’t know. I don’t feel comfortable around people all the time. He does it to show off the house.
I’m exhausted from all this partying. Even though I have expressed to him that I am not comfortable, he still does it without asking me. I have expressed my feelings and concerns but he doesn’t seem to care. I am a private person and I want to enjoy my home. We had a housewarming party, but he always wants to have more.
I don’t know what to do anymore. He gets angry, and I’m always stuck cooking and cleaning. To him, I’m a party goer and a grunt. I just want my voice to be heard and for him not to be so selfish and flashy. I also want him to consider my family. How do I cope?
—Party Pooper in the West
Dear party pooper: A step in the right direction would be to stop being an unpaid cook and maid. Your inconsiderate boyfriend knows you don’t like doing that, so he draws the line. Tell him that you don’t like being ignored and that you will no longer tolerate the situation he has created. If he refuses to commit, talk to a lawyer about a plan for him to buy your half of the house. No law says this has to be your future.
Dear Abby: I was recently contacted by Child Protective Services in another state regarding a great-nephew I knew nothing about. Of course, they were hoping for placement or financial support for the boy, who is 10 years old. I am 62 years old. I am not in a position to take care of him, neither physically nor financially.
The boy is my brother’s grandson. When my brother and his wife divorced, she took the kids and disappeared. I have had no contact or information about my niece and nephew for 35 years. Now there’s this kid who needs it. Would it be a good idea to ask if I could write to this child? I could send her birthday, Christmas gifts and letters, but it is not possible to give her full time attention.
– Aunt-grandma confused
Dear Aunt Received: There are so many details left out of your letter. Where are this child’s father and mother? Are they imprisoned or dead? Where is your brother, the boy’s grandfather? Whether to initiate contact with this newly discovered relative and send them cards and gifts may depend on the type of living situation they are in.
Also, be absolutely sure that the person who contacted you is really from Child Protective Services, because it could be a scam. Do not do anything until you have spoken to other family members and verified the veracity of the information you have received.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, aka Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or POBox 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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