Dear Annie: My daughter recently engaged and, while I want to be happy for her, I have serious worries about her fiancé. She is moody and out of date, and I have seen her talk to her in ways that feel degrading. She brushes and says I’m too sensitive.
I don’t want to ruin our relationship, but I’m struggling to shut up when I see red flags.
Do I talk again or stay out and hope you explain it on your own?
– Mama worried
Dear worried: It is incredibly difficult to see someone you love with a relationship that raises red flags. Your instincts come from a place of love and protection, and your daughter is lucky to have someone who cares so deeply.
That said, there is a delicate balance between expressing their concern and risking damage to your relationship. You have already stated your concerns and know how you feel. Repeating them now can only go away and do the most defensive.
Instead, be nearby. Be a constant and safe presence. Make -know that you are always there to speak, without judgment, I have not “said”, only open your arms. If things are developed, someone will need to trust. You can be this person keeping the communication lines open and full of compassion.
And remember -people often learn the most living through their own experiences, not saying -what to do.
Dear Annie: I’m a college sophomore and I’m in a hard place with my best friend. We have been close to the first year. We do everything together, from study sessions at night to weekend coffee races. But recently, things have begun to feel -I think I know why.
We both like the same boy.
It is in one of our classes and we have all uploaded as part of a larger group. It’s fun, smart and easy to talk. I caught her by making contact with me through the room and having the conversation when we are alone. Honestly, I thought there could be something.
But then my best friend trusted me that he has a huge huge. She doesn’t know how I feel, and now I don’t know what to do. I want to be a support friend, but I cannot ignore the feelings I have developed. I am afraid that if I tell the truth, it will feel like a betrayal or damage our friendship.
I have to keep my feelings to myself and leave the opportunity? Or should be honest and risk -to do it wrong? I have never been in a situation like this before and I don’t want to lose any of them.
– torn between friendship and feeling
Dear Friendship and Feeling: Like the same person that your best friend is hard but it happens more often than you think. You did not do anything wrong with feelings, but what you do below.
Ask -you mean more to you: your friendship or the possibility of something with this guy. If your feelings are strong and you think you feel the same way, you could raise your friend with soft and honesty. But if it is just a lover, it may be wiser to leave it and avoid tension.
Whatever you choose, drive kindly, be honest and protect what matters most.
“How can I forgive my partner partner?” It is outside now! Annie Lane’s second anthology, with preferred columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation, is available as an electronic paper book and book. Call http://www.creatorspublishing.com For more information. Send your questions to Annie Lane to Dearannie@creators.com.
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