Dear Abby: I have been with my wife for 40 years, including 32 years of marriage. I have done the best I have been able to have a boyfriend, fiancé, husband and father to our two adult children, and I continue to do so today.
Until ten years ago, I thought we had the best marriage possible. Then my wife went into menopause and everything changed. I realize how difficult it can be this part of a woman’s life and helped her in any way she could. I have been patient, but it has happened during this harsh phase of his life, and since then he has become the most miserable and cold person I have ever met.
He has no physical interest to me and refuses to spend any time with me. She complains about everything I do and contradicts everything I say.
Is it normal? What can I do in what is now a terrible marital situation? I’m too old to start a new life. I’m still interested in as much as I have always been, but his abusive behavior is wrong to erode my interest in maintaining this relationship.
—Rustrated in Pennsylvania
Dear frustrated: Because a woman goes through menopause does not mean that she is automatically cold and abusive. There is more harm to your marriage than this hormonal change. I don’t know what it is, and clearly either.
Your wife’s doctor knows what may have caused her abrupt personality? Complete physical examination would be a logical place to start. After having one, make it clear that if your marriage will survive, both must consult a marriage and family therapist. If you refuse, reserve some sessions without it. During the course of advice, you may discover that your wife believes that divorce would be a relief for her as for you. The only thing you don’t have to do is allow the status quo to continue.
Dear Abby: I have a huge collection of t -shirts: all different types: sports teams, schools, concerts, pop stars, holiday destinations. Many of them I bought while some were gifts. I bring one every day when I exercise in my gym.
Last month, I brought my Princeton T -shirt (a gift from a cousin who graduated from there). I love it: It’s black with orange letters and an orange tiger. Some I have never seen before looked at the shirt, they said and said, “You did not go there!” No I didn’t, but I thought it was rude to say – I did not answer and moved away. But I thought about it later and I wondered, should I have said something? What would you have done?
—Taken in California
Dear Apensated: The person who made the comment was looking for an argument. You reacted wisely without catching the bait. Would have done the same thing you did. And if I found it in the future, I would keep my distance.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Burn, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by his mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.dearabby.com or Pobox 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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