Dear Eric: My daughter married a year ago and decided to have a wedding with members of the immediate family only due to the large family next to the boyfriend (the wedding was still about 100 people). It was planned on the west coast (we are on the east coast).
Some of my friends sent them a gift, knowing why they were not invited, but three of my intimate friends did not send anything (even a card would have been reflective). I have sent their children very generous gifts.
One, I couldn’t attend -it was during Covid and the other was far away and very expensive to reach -there). One of the others, we traveled to his daughter’s wedding, we had a fortune to stay in a hotel and gave him a generous cash gift. I mean, nothing about her? Would not have gone to the wedding if he had been invited.
I am very disappointed. I feel that even a small gift would have been nice. They have met my daughter since she was a kid. I have trouble leaving it. She just feels cheap. Some of my friends are impacted to do nothing.
—Theless
Dear Gift:
You’re right, it would have been good if they had sent a gift. When it comes to children and grandchildren of friends, wedding gifts and other gestures for special occasions, they can turn into extensions of central friendship. A gift for your child is (maybe, mainly) a gift for you. So, I can see why this bites.
Answers to two questions can help to descrete this situation.
First, did your daughter send wedding ads? Although others know a wedding or other special event, they may not be able to send a gift without the trigger of a piece of card in the mail.
It may be a strange system, but an ad can serve as an indication that the couple is open to gifts and helping customers to discover where to send them. Without it, life can reach the way and gifts can fall next to it. Therefore, if your friends did not receive ads, this may not be an individual comparison with the wedding they invited you.
The second question is: Does your daughter have any feeling about it? Often, at the biggest events of life, gifts that feel so thoughtful and generous that they do not really think about the gifts that were not obtained. Is it possible that your daughter does not have the same expectations from your friends?
If so, you are still perfectly within your rights to keep them in a different standard. But because of the tranquility of the mind, it is important to remember that the expectations of everyone and others are different.
(Send questions to R. Eric Thomas to Eric@askingic.com or PO Box 22474, Philadelphia, Pa 19110. Follow it on Instagram and register -in his weekly newsletter at Rerithomas.com.)
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