Dear Annie: My sister, “Renee”, and I have always been close, but things changed after having a baby last year. I was really happy for her and I tried to be supportive: dirty meals, babysit when I can do text messages. But since the baby was born, it has been far and, honestly, a little cold.
Note the last minute plans, it rarely responds to my texts and, when we talk, just wants to discuss the baby. I invited her to lunch or coffee only with us, but she always says she is too busy or tired. I have that motherhood is overwhelming, but I miss my sister. When I raised it gently, he exploded and told me that I do not understand what it is like to be a father, who hurt.
I have no children and I don’t think, but that should not do -less important in my life. I am not sure if I should give it more space or try to get closer. I just don’t know how to get it.
Is it just a phase or have we overcome our bond?
—Leed and defraudes
Dear Left Out: Change is the only constant in life and life of your sister has just changed spectacularly. No, your relationship will never be the same As it was before, but that does not mean that you will not be close again.
This season, for her, is all the baby. He is not even his fault; It has a hard cable in our DNA thanks to evolutionary biology. But this season it will end, as they do for all seasons, and will end up gaining free time.
In the meantime, continue to support -and build your relationship with your new niece or nephew. You will read your new roles in time due and regain the proximity you shared once; It might look a little different.
Dear Annie: I have been with a boy called “Marcus” for about eight months. It is attentive, fun and treats me with real kindness. We have talked about the future and says it sees long -term potential. The subject is his ex -partner, “Talia”.
They went out for five years and separated about a year before we met. Marcus insists that they are friends now and that the relationship ended for good reasons. But they still do text messages almost daily, and meet with her for coffee or lunch at least once or twice a month. He says they are simply intimate friends and is “totally platonic”.
I have never met Talia, but I have seen some of his messages when he made text messages next to me, and the tone is … familiar. It does not flirt exactly, but personal. She still calls her “M” and sometimes signs with hearts. When I raised him, Marcus said he was making it difficult and that I need to trust him.
I want to be safe but that’s not fine with me. I am insecure, or is it a border problem that refuses to recognize?
‘Where I put myself
Dear Unsure: No, you are not insecure. What you describe is not jealousy; It is clear and respectful. Marcus may have gone to romantically, but he seems to be still emotionally entangled with his ex so that, of course, any partner is uncomfortable. It is OK to be a friend of an ex -communicated, even, but the text messages daily?
Have an honest conversation with Marcus explaining -all the reasons why this relationship is uncomfortable. It makes it clear that you do not accuse him of anything; Only look for security in your relationship.
Together, you can find some reasonable limits for your communication. Maybe you want to meet Talia; Maybe not. Everything you decide, make sure that the communication channels are open so you can work together.
If you cannot understand why this dynamic does not work for you, this tells you something important about how you manage the limits.
“How can I forgive my partner partner?” It is outside now! Annie Lane’s second anthology, with preferred columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation, is available as paperback and electronic book. Call http://www.creatorspublishing.com For more information. Send your questions to Annie Lane to Dearannie@creators.com.
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