Dear Eric: I have three adult children. About three years ago, there was a problem, and my oldest, Doug and Middle, Linda, came out. It wasn’t a small problem, but (according to my and my wife) it wasn’t a huge offense. You will not apologize either. They refuse to talk to each other.
We have tried many ways to try to overcome the gap, without success. I do not ask them to kiss and be done. I just say, “Be cordial, human with other people from our home.”
We welcome holidays and birthday parties in our country, and this animosity hurts and hinders the dynamic. You even need to have seats on the table.
I recently told my wife: “Only people who are willing to be human and cordial will be invited to family meals.” My wife does not want to do it; In part, he fears losing access to grandchildren.
I said, “Well, for Easter meals, they can be shaken, but for Christmas they have to be cordial. I will only climb the plant above because it is too painful to be -and you can’t hurt me because it was a headache because it does not surround them because they have been shaking.”
I ask too much?
— Stressed Father
Dear Father: Do not ask too much, but be careful not to let your relationship with your wife become collateral damage to Doug and Linda’s struggle. Although you see this situation differently, you and your wife have the same goal of family harmony.
Unfortunately, it seems unlikely that a type of division “Civil to Easter, acronym for Christmas” to work in practice. It is more likely that an honest and simple -speaking appeal to your children has an impact.
You have tried to make them civilian and solve the gap, but I wonder if you told them, clearly and sincerity, how painful is their poor behavior for you. They have made their anger the problem of everyone and they seem to be the only ones who do not have to do anything special to welcome it. This must stop.
See how your wife feels to say: “It’s your business how your brother treats you, but I ask you to stop participating in me and your mother and the warm house we work so much to create in this struggle.”
I may not go there, and I understand. But keeping the threat of losing access to your grandchildren above, your children show an unnecessary amount of cruelty to people who do not deserve it. It is worth talking about -in the open.
(Send questions to R. Eric Thomas to Eric@askingic.com or PO Box 22474, Philadelphia, Pa 19110. Follow it on Instagram and register -in his weekly newsletter at Rerithomas.com.)
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