Dear Eric: I am a female executive used by a large world corporation. It is a common practice in my workplace and expectation of my job, which I meet with colleagues, customers and service providers, sometimes while traveling for work, often alone, often for business lunches and dinners in restaurants.
My husband owns a business in a different industry, he has never worked in a professional office environment and his co -workers are all men.
My lunches and business dinners are a containment point with my husband if I am involved in eating alone with another male. It is annoyed and angry.
I have talked to him why he thinks so. He says he has no insecurity or distrust, but is only disrespectful to me having work dinners alone with other men. I have tried to provide the context that this is common in my profession and my job.
I asked what I can do to help you think differently and what makes a difference if a work colleague is a man, a woman or a non -binary. He has supported my career in all other aspects and maximize our time together, although we work all hours. I try to avoid working dinners alone with men, but sometimes it is necessary, in this case I give you as much notification and early information as possible and dirty -me for the argument.
– Executive that does not mean contempt
Dear EXECUTION: Your husband says he has no insecurity or distrust, but absent these emotions, I struggle to see what his problem is. I read your letter and thought, “Well, trust her, or not?” Because in a safe marriage, a dinner alone with anyone, even a male business colleague, is a pretty harmless thing.
Each marriage has its own internal rules and there may be some readers for which such solo dinners would be a mutual agreement. Is perfectly well. But in your case, it is not a mutual aspect of your marriage. In addition, this objection diminishes the validity of your career. You have to do it better.
Bring this containment point to couple therapy. There are aspects of your response that are read as control; This is a thing about talking to a third neutral. Likewise, you had to negotiate the emotional impact of these arguments and any guilt. This is also something you can and you have to present in therapy.
Sometimes, when everything else works, it is very productive to address a specific question in therapy. Sometimes the solution is easy; Sometimes there is much more to discover. Give the space to explore, so you can continue to do your job without guilt and can learn to give you support.
(Send questions to R. Eric Thomas to Eric@askingic.com or PO Box 22474, Philadelphia, Pa 19110. Follow it on Instagram and register -in his weekly newsletter at Rerithomas.com.)
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