Dear Annie: I am an only child in the early 1940’s, and I’m at the end of my hope trying to take care of my 74 -year -old mother. He lives alone and insists that he is “fine”, but I can see that he is slipping, physically, mentally and emotionally. It has high blood pressure, diabetes and severe arthritis, but will not remain in its medicines. He has not been to a primary care doctor for more than five years. She rejected cancer projections or even basic laboratory work.
Lately, I have noticed what could be signs of early dementia: it was lost on family roads, forgetting the appointments, struggling to follow the conversations. Finally, I managed to see her a neurologist last fall and I was recommended a brain exploration and subsequent tests. Never followed. Now he barely leaves the house and will not let me provide any external help.
I have tried small changes to keep the safe: grabious bars in the bathroom, meal deliveries, even offering -to go with appointments to the doctor. Every time, you close me with “Don’t start” or “I’m not invalid”. It is isolating more and its mobility worsens. I am afraid that it will fall or end to the ER with something that could have been managed before.
How can I respect its independence, without sitting back and seeing its decline?
—Worri and worn
Dear worried: You are carrying a great load and I congratulate your patience and devotion. But here is the hard truth: you can bring a horse to the water, but you cannot drink. No matter how much you care or try, you can’t force your mother to seek help if she denies her.
What you tin DO is to focus on security. Make the house as safe and test as possible. Consider a home health consultation or talk to your primary care physician about ways to give it from a distance. And for your own well -being, talk to a counselor or support group for caregivers. You also need support. To love -the best you can be enough.
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