Dear Eric: My husband and I met three years ago and recently celebrated our second anniversary of the wedding.
My big stepdaughter (27) seemed to me that I liked for the first year after I moved to my father’s house. But soon he went from being a nice/fun/interesting person to being moody and full of average comments towards me.
His father was as dissatisfied with me with this change, but he warned me in advance that he had been in his best behavior and would not last. When she was 16, she did not talk to her mother for 18 months and has a background to be different.
After several problems with his visits, his father spoke to him, but he did not make it clear that we were both affected by his moody and negative behavior.
He said he no longer welcomed to visit our home, although I have made it clear.
I feel that his father’s decision launched him on the bus not to explain that his behavior bothered us both.
I do not understand why his father will not call her to do -know that it was not only me who was affected by his moody behavior.
She has recently sought therapy and seems to take better options for herself, but opted for a conversation she asked for with the three present. I love and care but but not emotionally available to me.
Any idea of what I can say to your father to get you to have an open discussion with her, so you understand that this is not my collection?
—No the unpleasant stepmother
Dear Madrast: I’m not sure if your husband was underestimated when she told you that her daughter was in her best behavior or giving you an accurate forecast. But it seems that this is a continuous game of a lifetime with her, with her, with her, greatly helpless. Therefore, you consider that, from her perspective, it may not matter what she says to her daughter, specifically.
I understand the importance of clarity here: Try to avoid a narrative that paints you as an antagonist. But according to your explanation, your stepdaughter had thought about you before your husband talked to her. The middle comments and the difficult visits indicate that he has already launched you as a Vilà, so I wonder what efficiency would be an open discussion.
Instead, try talking to your husband about how you can browse this mood and anti -social behavior. How can you give -support and how you can give it support and how they can both, together, set limits for you who like, but protect your emotions? This is still a relatively new territory for you, to be in the marriage two years, so give -you themselves and the situation, recognizing that the majority is not really of you or anything you did.
(Send questions to R. Eric Thomas to Eric@askingic.com or PO Box 22474, Philadelphia, Pa 19110. Follow it on Instagram and register -in his weekly newsletter at Rerithomas.com.)
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