Dear Annie: I am struggling to make sense of this situation, but it seemed to me a red flag.
I started to go out with a man and, one night for dinner, we ran into a woman he knew about college and his boyfriend. It seemed nice and, after a brief chat, they left. He told me briefly about his business, I said he looked great and that I didn’t think anything else.
Shortly after that night, he asked for an exclusive relationship and even suggested that he move me with him, but I told him it was too early. I wanted to wait at least one year before living together. For his birthday, I took him on a weekend trip to a coastal town that I had never visited. We went for a beautiful meal at a restaurant on the seafront and, while dinner, the waiter took our photo. I published it on social media while this man was in the toilet, for almost 30 minutes.
When he returned, he immediately proposed the woman we had met, opened his social media application, moved in front of our image, which had just been published without recognizing -in no way, and instead showed me several photos he had published and had played “as” each one. He also mentioned that he was visiting the same village as we were at the same time. All weird, but I let go.
A month later, at a special family dinner, the same thing happened. We took a picture together, posted it and then went out for 20 minutes. When he returned, he reopened his social media feed, passed in front of our photo, pleased all his own and talked about her for half an hour, just in front of my family, making everyone uncomfortable.
A few days later, I raised him calmly, explaining that his behavior, especially in public or special events, I was uncomfortable and inappropriate. Instead of approaching it, he said, “Well, better than be careful not to like the wrong photos, as he is chasing me online!” I clarified that my problem was not with her, but with the way she acted. I never raised my voice or accused him of anything out of date. From then on, he called me “short fusion” and “jealousy of the next level” and stated that he “walked on egg shells” around me, although I am usually a very quiet and emotionally.
In the end I finished the relationship for many reasons, but I still can’t make sense of this behavior. Can you?
—Pu makes sense
Dear Make It: You are right: This situation was full of red flags. It’s good to recognize them and call them.
It is difficult to know what kind of connection this man had with the other woman or why he was so fixed on her. Regardless, their deviation and removal of your feelings were sure of problems that would only have worsened over time.
You should feel -you are sure in the choice you made to let this relationship go. Now it’s time to let go of your need to “make sense” of everything. Sometimes the only closure we really need is the knowledge that not everyone has what is needed to be the right partner for us.
“How can I forgive my partner partner?” It is outside now! Annie Lane’s second anthology, with preferred columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation, is available as paperback and electronic book. Call http://www.creatorspublishing.com For more information. Send your questions to Annie Lane to Dearannie@creators.com.
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