Dear Eric: My husband is in the mid -80’s and I am 70 years old. My husband has always suffered anxiety while I’m calmer.
Over the years, my husband has used several anxiety drugs under the supervision of a doctor and found one that works. He has tried some conscience techniques, but in times of high anxiety he does not use them. He uses the medication, but does not allow him to stop biking and his concerns.
When it is in this loop, it will refer to the problem frequently, but it will no measure to solve the problem. This really stands out. He will “explode” if I offer a suggestion.
His technique has always been verbalizing the problem over and over again until I can support it and have -care without disturbing it.
After a recent operation, I had to be his caregiver for a period of time. I really thanked me. But he has “lost a step” physically. I am constantly worried when we go out together so that he can hurt and he resent my nervousness. I want to enjoy our time together and not leave me nervous for its anxiety attacks and their physical decrease. I’m not as calm as before! Any advice?
—Darada Anania
Dear Anxiety Overload: One of the wonderful things about Mindfulness’s cultivation is that at any time it is available to anyone. It is a way of thinking about physical, mental and emotional state without judgment. Many people who experience anxiety find that it helps them out of a stress cycle or at least pause enough to gather their thoughts. I’m glad you work for your husband and I think it can also work for you.
It seems to have done a lot of work during the decades of your relationship to browse your husband’s trip with anxiety. Some of the methods you have adopted, however, may not have given you what you need. For example, if you have focused on trying to help you find a solution to something in which you have been hooked, you may be placing your own emotional regulation in second place. After solving your problem, you will let you navigate any tension, stress or anxiety you feel on your own.
This is increasingly a problem. It can be a good caregiver and companion, while also tending to your own emotional needs. In fact, make you a better caregiver and companion. The quiet application or the book “The Miracle of Consciousness” by Thich Nhat Hanh are fantastic places to start. When you find yourself nervous, it recognizes this feeling without judgment, you would even want to say -your husband: “I feel stressed; you have spent years giving -the time you need to restore; give -you do this time too.
(Send questions to R. Eric Thomas to Eric@askingic.com or PO Box 22474, Philadelphia, Pa 19110. Follow it on Instagram and register -in his weekly newsletter at Rerithomas.com.)
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