Dear Annie: I’ve been a big fan of your column for years, but I felt that a recent response about dealing with door-knockers lacked some helpful context.
Having worked extensively in political outreach, I understand how frustrating unsolicited visits can be. However, lobbying for elections or other causes is hard work, and the people who do it tend to have good intentions. Most are there for a short, respectful conversation, not to argue or interfere. If someone is behaving inappropriately, I recommend that you immediately ask for the name of their organization, which often appears on the literature they offer or leave behind.
It’s also important to note that “do not solicit” signs typically do not apply to political or religious canvassers, since they are not selling anything. In some states, they are even allowed to solicit donations and still visit areas with “do not solicit” signs. For those who prefer not to be approached, signs such as “no politics/religion” or “do not call” are more effective as they apply universally.
I say this for both the owners and the passionate people who spend hours searching to connect with their communities. Even when we don’t agree with their causes, there’s something admirable about people devoting their time and energy to their beliefs. It may be a mild annoyance to knock on the door, but it is often a reflection of someone’s commitment to their values. If you prefer not to participate, the best approach is to open the door, politely ask them not to come back, and write down the name of their organization in case you need to follow up.
Thank you for your thoughtful column and for encouraging conversations about community and boundaries.
— An activist, not a lawyer
Dear Activist: Thank you for your kind words and thoughtful letter. I always think it’s important to consider both sides of an argument, and you’ve provided a compelling perspective on the value of someone with a passionate conviction.
Dear Annie: I always feel guilty during the holidays. Between my family and my husband’s, we end up attending at least two Thanksgivings and three Christmases each year. While I love our families, I have a pretty weak social battery, and going to so many events in such a short period of time always leaves me feeling completely drained and, frankly, a little sad.
My husband, on the other hand, thrives in social situations. He loves attending every meeting from the moment it starts and is usually the last person to want to leave. This difference in our personalities creates tension. I often feel selfish when I ask to leave early because I’m emotionally and physically drained, and he seems disappointed every time we have to interrupt the fun.
Unfortunately, some of these events are far away, so driving separately and leaving at different times is not an option.
How can I preserve my sanity during the holiday season while still allowing my husband to enjoy himself to the fullest? I want to find a balance that works for both of us.
— Low social battery
Dear Low Social Battery: It certainly sounds like you’re an introvert, while your husband is more of an extrovert. Recognizing this difference is the first step in finding the best way to navigate the holiday season together.
When attending Thanksgiving and Christmas parties, try incorporating mini breaks. Go to a quiet space for a few moments and recharge. This could mean going for a brisk walk, sitting in a quieter room, or even excusing yourself to help with a task that allows for some alone time.
It can also help to set realistic expectations with your husband ahead of time. Have an honest conversation about how you are grieving the parts and work together to create a plan that fits your needs. For example, agree on a time frame for when you will leave, or consider alternating between staying the whole time in one meeting and leaving early in another.
If driving separately isn’t an option, maybe you can plan for him to stay engaged until the end while you take a back seat socially—reading, resting, or doing something relaxing in another room until he’s ready to go.
Ultimately, commitment is key. With a little planning and communication, you can both enjoy the holidays without either of you feeling overwhelmed or disappointed.
“How can I forgive my cheating partner?” it’s out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology, featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication, and reconciliation, is available in paperback and e-book. visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.
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