Dear Annie: My cousin, who is more like a sister to me, has been making a series of reckless and related decisions over the past year. After having her second baby, she left her husband and started out with a series of abusive men from the border. He is now signing for the complete custody of his children from his ex -husband and buying a home out of the state impulsively.
The biggest challenge is that he rejects anything less than the full support of his family and friends. He completely cut off his sister, who made the wedding, just to suggest that he is looking for mental health help. Nor has he talked to his mother for months.
I don’t want to abandon -because I think you really need help. But at the same time, he is manipulating his ex -husband for more pension as he stays with a man who has repeatedly called her in public. I am afraid that it is a danger to herself, but if I say something, I know he will cut me too.
Should you stay in your life in case you finally need me, or is it time to take a tougher posture and stop allowing your behavior?
—Ests confusing
Dear Confused: You can’t save someone who doesn’t want to be saved. Your cousin makes destructive decisions, but has also made it clear that any driver will cause to be cut. This is your decision, not yours. Obviously, you need professional help and, if there is some way you can help you achieve it, do it.
In the meantime, offer support where you can, without allowing it. If you ever welcome real help, be. But you are not responsible for solving your life and chasing it after you only drain. Sometimes the best thing you can do for someone in crisis is to step back and let them face the consequences of their options.
Dear Annie: After 5 1/2 years together, my husband and I finally made the exciting step of buying our first house! It is in a fantastic location, only 2 hours and 2 hours of his parents and 25 minutes of mine. We also look forward to our first baby, which has added both our joy and, unfortunately, some unexpected tension with my in -laws.
The main problem? My father -in -law has a severe cat allergy and my mother -in -law insists we find a new house for my eight -year -old cat. I had this cat long before I met my husband. But he said we should do it so that they can visit freely, especially after the baby arrives. Although I fully understand want to welcome the health needs of my father -in -law, I feel that I have already offered reasonable commitments.
To minimize allergens, I have proposed that my cat temporarily housed my parents’ site during their visits, doing a deep cleaning, using several high -end air purifiers, applying a specialized spray in allergens reduction on tissue surfaces and feeding my cat a specific diet that reduces almost half allergens. Despite these efforts, my mother -in -law believes that I am selfish and does not want to prioritize its comfort.
The challenge added? My husband is a self -proclaimed mother’s boy, who sometimes has sometimes, but in this situation things are difficult. He does not have his mother’s face, which let me feel alone in defending my very reasonable position.
I love my cat and I don’t think it’s just to give up, especially when I went over and to welcome my in -laws. I am wrong to put it on foot or should you do more to maintain peace?
—Tradofe
Dear Kitty Catastrophe: No, do not make a mistake to put you standing. You have 100% to the right. Your cat is a member of your family and you have gone further to house your father -in -law allergies.
Even you may suggest your father take medicines by allergy before you visit your home. And let’s not forget: the journeys of the Babins! Make sure your mother-in-law will be very pleasing to bring the baby to your house, but your kitten is here to stay.
Hold -you firm; You have done more than enough.
“How can I forgive my partner partner?” It is outside now! Annie Lane’s second anthology, with preferred columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation, is available as paperback and electronic book. Call http://www.creatorspublishing.com For more information. Send your questions to Annie Lane to Dearannie@creators.com.
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