Dear Eric: My mother has been horrible with everyone all my life, including myself. I am 50 years old, and I am constantly criticized, often in front of others, by the way I laugh, that I can feel me chewing food, my sleeves, “at your age” are too short and I carry pants too often.
The fact that you have an informed opinion on current events is under the fire. As a result, I rarely present anything to its presence. But then I am accused of ignoring.
The truth is that I am sick of raising -the criticisms that will follow everything that says or do before their presence. I have limited the time with her, but my only brother lives throughout the country and it is too expensive for her and her family to return home as much as they would like. My sister gets her part of criticism by phone.
Nothing we have said will happen to our mother’s head, which is sometimes kinder to keep our mouths closed if all you have to offer is useless and means criticism.
I am afraid of the day that depends on me, the only family in the area, to make the purchases and the steps and any care. I know, I will not be able to do something good.
—N
Dear Stuck: There are no pleasant people, especially when their worldview is perpetually gray and a tone of inappropriate gray. There are solutions available for your mother if you want to do them. But right now, it doesn’t seem inclined to change and it’s not your job to do it.
You can start adjusting the boundaries of your relationship by shouting unacceptable comments or behaviors when passing and without debate. Yes, this will be added to your list of grievances. This is a sad truth that you must accept.
But you do not have to accept constant criticism and you can make it the line for you now. What happens when the line believes? Maybe the conversation ends or the visit. Maybe it’s simply a redirection. But if you continue to cross the limit, you will be right to get rid of.
If and when you need more help, the limit does not have to go back. In fact, it is important that he does not. If you drive it to the store and offers the sleeves, for example, the answer may be: “My dress is out of limits for conversation. If you can’t help you, we can’t go to the store together. I will leave you again at home and get the groceries myself. “”
This will not always be easy. And it will require much more communication, which is difficult with someone so critical. But continue to defend -you and create fair and clear consequences will help you both.
(Send questions to R. Eric Thomas to Eric@askingic.com or PO Box 22474, Philadelphia, Pa 19110. Follow it on Instagram and register -in his weekly newsletter at Rerithomas.com.)
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