Dear Abby: I was raped by a family member, and because of special circumstances, I didn’t tell anyone except another family member, who I swore to secrecy. She recently became angry with me because of my religious beliefs, and now she says that if I die before she does, she will tell my grown children that I was assaulted.
I’m praying he says it in anger, but I’m scared because I know my kids would hurt the rapist, if not kill him, for what he did. I don’t understand why this family member would say such a thing. What can I say or do to protect my privacy? God has taken care of me and my offender is locked up now for other reasons.
— Fear of the West
Dear Fearful: When you told your relative about your rape, it was no longer a secret. Because now you’re afraid he’ll tell your kids, approach him by telling him that if he goes ahead, you’re afraid they’ll take revenge after he’s released, and by doing so, ruin their own lives.
Dear Abby: My husband has cancer and the doctors say he may have a year to live. Before his diagnosis, we had friends we hung out with and went out to dinner once or twice a month. Now I don’t hear a word from them. They don’t call or text to ask how we’re doing. Is it my responsibility to get them? I feel like I’m all alone in this fight, and they don’t seem to care.
— Invisible in Iowa
Dear Invisible: What a sad letter. Please accept my sympathy for your husband’s prognosis. This is a tragic situation, and not one that you and your husband should face alone. The absence of these friends may have less to do with a lack of care than with an overwhelming fear of cancer and an inability to face one’s own mortality.
Of course you can contact them. But after that, if they still can’t increase, you might have better luck joining a cancer support group. If you do, you will discover that you are not as alone as you think.
Dear Abby: I need some advice on how to get in touch with my daughter. He is 22 years old and has a busy life. I understand that he is struggling to balance all of his day to day commitments, but he won’t return my calls or texts. We’ve had a rocky past due to my divorce five years ago, but we’ve talked to the point where I think we’ve been mending old wounds.
Every time we’re together, it’s like nothing has tarnished our relationship. I know she is young but I need to know if I should be more persistent or just wait for her to contact me.
— Waiting Parent in Washington
Dear Parents: You haven’t mentioned how persistent you’ve been, but you won’t get close to your daughter if you chase her with requests for more contact. She may be busy, distracted, or just self-absorbed. Text or call once a month and you might have better luck getting a response.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, aka Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or POBox 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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