Dear Annie: My wife of 19 years is still in touch with her high school ex-boyfriend.
They dated all through high school and after they broke up he ran her through the mud spreading rumors about her to all his friends and then wrote her a long letter telling her what a whore she was.
Fast forward many years, when we were just getting married, and by some freak accident, they reconnected. I told him I didn’t like him communicating with him because he doesn’t respect me or our marriage. He would call her at 2 or 3 in the morning to talk to her and even ask her to go on vacation with him.
Recently, I found out that he asked her to come to a music festival I was attending with some of my friends. He was furious that she knew he wouldn’t approve, but he did it anyway. I told her once again that he doesn’t respect me and she doesn’t respect my wishes. She brushed it off because it wasn’t a big deal. what should i do
– Frustrated by the woman
Dear Frustrated: Well, I certainly don’t blame you for being frustrated! If your wife wanted to stay friends with her ex, she should have talked to you about some ground rules. Talking to him in the middle of the night or behind your back is disrespectful to you and the marriage you’ve built with her.
Calmly express your point of view and share some specific requests that will make you feel more comfortable with the relationship. For example, maybe you want to be included when the two of you see each other, or maybe you want to be in the room when she talks to him on the phone. Or maybe you should tell him that he shouldn’t be talking to him in the middle of the night. Do you really have to put up with it?
If she is not willing to compromise her relationship with her ex, then she is compromising your marriage.
Dear Annie: Every year, my brother and sister-in-law create a picture calendar for the whole family. The calendar also includes all of our family’s birthdays and anniversaries.
My mother just died. Sure, we’ll include photos of her in the 2025 calendar, but should we continue to list her birthday and wedding anniversary? Part of me thinks my dad wouldn’t want to be reminded of his loss, while another part of me thinks he’ll be insulted if we remove the dates. He’s so excited right now I hate to ask him.
Thoughts?
– Calendar puzzle
Dear Calendar Riddle: First of all, I am sorry for your loss.
Whether you include these dates or not, your dad will no doubt be thinking about your mom and crying over the special days they would have had together if she were still alive.
Your brother and sister-in-law should make this year’s calendar as they normally would, including your mother’s birthday and wedding anniversary. This will serve as a reminder that although he is gone, he is never forgotten.
“How can I forgive my cheating partner?” it’s out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology, featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication, and reconciliation, is available in paperback and e-book. visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.
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