Dear Annie: I have been married to a wonderful man for more than 10 years, and during this time I have grown up to love his son as his own. My stepson, “Brian”, is now 28 years old and has fought with drug addiction for most of his adult life. We have helped it through various rehabilitation programs, they paid for their rent when they have been evicted and even left him out of prison once. I kept her when she cried, led him to meetings and prayed for him every night.
But nothing seems to change for a long time. It always promises that he will do better and, for a while, he does, but then he falls and the cycle begins again. Call every hour asking for money, sometimes with stories I know they are not true. I try to set limits, but guilt eats me. What happens if this time really is endangered? What if something happens to you and wasn’t there to help?
My husband is also worn out, but it’s better to go emotionally. I still see the little one in Brian, who only wants to be loved. I know I can’t fix it, but the idea of cutting it feels like giving up someone I love.
– To hurt the stepmother
Dear Hurting: Loving someone does not mean to allow them. You went further, but addiction is a battle that Brian has to choose to fight. Give it money, rescue it from the consequences and stay in the 24/7 call does not help. It holds it stuck with a disease.
Set firm and loving boundaries. Do you know that you will support your recovery, not your addiction. This is not giving up. He is giving him the best chance to hold on on his own.
And do not do it alone. Find support for yourself through anon or a counselor who understands addiction. You also need strength.
Dear Annie: I can’t thank -you enough for your message the Day Memorial. I am a therapist in a veterinary center. The veterans I see are mainly fighting veterans. They have all lost someone in combat. The week heading to the Day Memorial is full of discussion on how to honor their losses and their penalty and how they will manage someone thanking their service, although the Day Memorial is not. They also want to honor their families and also enjoy the barbecues.
The message you wrote is perfect. We all fear that as time goes away from the end of the wars, our culture will forget our losses and the meaning of the Day Memorial. Thank you for maintaining the most important meaning. Blessing for you and yours.
– honor the lost soldiers
Dear honor to the lost soldiers: few things are more important than to express thanks to our soldiers who gave their lives at the service of our country. The fact that you work as a therapist for veterans, almost everyone who has lost friends in combat, is absolutely wonderful and makes your letter especially significant in this column. Thank you.
“How can I forgive my partner partner?” It is outside now! Annie Lane’s second anthology, with preferred columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation, is available as paperback and electronic book. Call http://www.creatorspublishing.com For more information. Send your questions to Annie Lane to Dearannie@creators.com.
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