Dear Annie: My little sister and I used to be incredibly nearby. We talked every day, shared everything and leaning each other through some of the most difficult times in our lives, including the loss of our mother. But for the past two years, he has moved away and I feel that I don’t even know her.
Started when he started out with his current boyfriend. At first she was happy for her. Looked lovely and attentive. But over time, I noticed some red flags. He constantly verifies the phone, criticizes his family in subtle ways and seems to be isolated from his old friends. Now, it rarely responds to my calls or texts. If he responds, he is short, almost cold, and always followed by an excuse as: “We have just been busy.” He has canceled the plans in the last minute, jumped on the holidays with our family and even blocked me on social media for a while after I gently expressed his concern about how to control it.
When I finally took her on the phone a few months ago, I tried to say -I missed her and asked if everything was fine. He was defensive and said he was judging his relationship and worsened things. I have not heard of her since then.
I am bewildered and confused. I deeply love my sister and just want her to be happy, but I am also worried that she is in an emotionally abusive relationship and not to see it. At what point do I stop trying to contact? How can I give -Support without leaving -it?
—Shut and worried
Dear closed: Your instincts tell you something important and, as you describe, your sister may be in a control relationship. Unfortunately, isolation is one of the oldest tricks in the emotional abuser game notebook. He probably wants to cut -the people who care about her so she can control the story and keep it depending on it.
That said, you cannot be forced to see what is not ready to admit. What you can do is leave the door open. Make -know clearly and calmly that you love her, that you will always be here for her and worries you, not because you disapprove, but because you care. Then give -space.
Keep the tone smooth and non -judicial in any future message. Not the abuse. Continue to remember -however calm it is not alone. If things get worse, you may need someone to address. Let someone be you.
“How can I forgive my partner partner?” It is outside now! Annie Lane’s second anthology, with preferred columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation, is available as paperback and electronic book. Call http://www.creatorspublishing.com For more information. Send your questions to Annie Lane to Dearannie@creators.com.
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