Dear Eric: I have a good friend with whom I meet maybe twice a month. We do not agree politically, sometimes with passion, but we always end our conversation saying -each other we are still friends and that we still love and respect us.
A few months ago, her daughter pledged and when my friend shared this news, she said that she would of course be invited. Whenever we were, I would always ask about wedding plans and talk a lot about it.
We recently met for lunch with a third friend and the wedding shower theme appeared. A friend of the hand, to the friend three the invitation of the shower right in front of me, without any explanation. This seemed deliberately designed to be detrimental and, in fact, I am hurt and confused. Now I can assume that I am not invited to the wedding either.
I say something to Friend One? Should it assume that it is angry by my political opinions? Should I ignore the whole situation and pretend I don’t care? Or should it reduce losses and only withdraw from friendship?
– desir
Dear Unnovited: Unless something else happens between you and your friend, either around politics or the wedding, I am inclined to adopt the approach to the Cavall of Occam here. Is it possible that your invitation is lost in the mail and assumed you already had it when you gave the shower invitation to your other friend?
You may have already thought about it, but it seems too involved and cruel to talk -you are about the wedding for months, then go out for lunch with you and use this moment to humiliate -you invite you to the friend. Especially since it has not given you any indication of what I can see, that you have taken out of the list of invitations.
Is it possible that the fractured nature of your political disagreements weighs you very much, even if you settle for each other when you enter? To assume that she is being revenge about your opinions suggests that you may not think that everything goes back to love and respect at the end of each debate.
So ask – “We are fine? I didn’t receive any invitation in the shower and it would hurt me not to be and celebrate your daughter. But I want to make a record with you to ensure -I have not read anything or lost any indication.”
(Send questions to R. Eric Thomas to Eric@askingic.com or PO Box 22474, Philadelphia, Pa 19110. Follow it on Instagram and register -in his weekly newsletter at Rerithomas.com.)
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