Dear Annie: More than ten years ago, I worked with a non -profit organization on a contract project and became friendly with some people on their team. I really admired his mission, and when I continued, I started making a modest monthly donation to support his work. I found it good to keep it connected to something significant, even in a small way.
Since then, we have not kept real contact, no personal conversations, without updating us outside the updates of the newsletter. However, every few years, one of them arrives with a warm message saying that they would love to hear how I am. Inevitably this conversation becomes a request to increase my donation. I agreed once, years ago, when I could afford it.
But this time is different. Finance is more tight and dissemination is relentless: messages, texts, voice messages, even a handwritten card. Each message is kind to the surface but I can’t shake the feeling that I’m ready for another question. It has a little realized that our only connection seems to be linked to money. I have avoided answering because I am torn between guilt, discomfort and resentment. I wish they were direct so I could answer honestly instead of dancing around them.
Now I have let it spend so long that I am embarrassed. Is it too late to say something? How can I define the boundaries kindly, without feeling as if I would abandon the people who used to worry me, or worse, the bad thing?
—Palate but torn
Dear, you have been generous – you have been generous, with your money and your time. But the relationships built only in donation applications are not really friendships. No one owes an apology to protect the wallet or tranquility.
He responds with a bit, but directly: “I’m not in a position to increase my donation, but I still really admire the work you are doing and I wish you all the best.” This is honest, educated and more than enough. And if they continue to push, do not hesitate to stop answering. It is allowed to say no, and it means.
Dear Annie: In response to the column on the bride who continues to fall asleep, I would like to suggest gently the possibility that his problem could be physical more than psychological.
A visit to a sleeping clinic could be useful. Conditions such as sleep apnea, narcolepsy or hypersomni can be played. I have experienced something similar: to make it easily drop when it was quiet, and a sleep study helped discover the underlying cause. These clinics often conduct studies at night and day to evaluate sleep patterns and identify possible medical concerns.
It is definitely worth exploring, in case there is a physical explanation that has been overlooked.
—I would have to be physical
Physical Dear: Thank you for your suggestion. It has a great point.
“How can I forgive my partner partner?” It is outside now! Annie Lane’s second anthology, with preferred columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation, is available as paperback and electronic book. Call http://www.creatorspublishing.com For more information. Send your questions to Annie Lane to Dearannie@creators.com.
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