Dear Eric: I am the eldest of five brothers, all now in our 70s and all professionals. We grew on blue neck and “poor gentle”. The problem arises with the jealousy and hatred that others lead to me. They spent their lives acquiring ratchets and foreign cars, and generally living far beyond their means, while I planned, saved and invest well.
I retired comfortably eight years ago and now, with my wife, I will travel widely and enjoy life. My siblings are bitterly suffering from this and the painful reality that can never be allowed to withdraw. For some reason they blame me, as if life was a zero sum game, when all I have ever done is put money in my pockets and never asked for anything in return.
It is at the end of the day and I would like to raise the questions. We stopped talking ten years ago. What do you suggest?
—Fon eldest frustrated
Dear Son: I am curious why you want to say with “Matters Sight Right”. If you want your siblings to realize the error of your thinking and cease to suffer from -you are likely to keep you frustrated. It seems that you resent them for their resentment, which is completely understandable. But do you also judge them for the way you choose to live? Is this animus a two -way street?
You have not spoken in a decade but write that they resent your retired happy life in the last eight years. How does this information come to you and what do you do with it when you do it?
One way to move forward is to clear the clean board (or as clean as you can with the brothers; this board will always be made by footprints). Please be careful and acknowledge that you have had your differences in the past, wish them well and you don’t want to spend the rest of the striated days. Ask them if they are willing to return to try. This means accepting that sometimes you don’t see your eyes, but no one has to convince anyone else. If they can hear you without judgment and you can do the same, you have something to build.
(Send questions to R. Eric Thomas to Eric@askingic.com or PO Box 22474, Philadelphia, Pa 19110. Follow it on Instagram and register -in his weekly newsletter at Rerithomas.com.)
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