Dear Annie: I have been out with my boyfriend for almost eight years. We were high school lovers, and we are the first, so we have only been with each other. I had a friend for about six years because we worked together. Since then we have stayed friends once we left the job. I stay with him, but I always know my boyfriend. My boyfriend was fine with this until an incident passed two summers ago.
I was at the party of an old friend at college and my boyfriend couldn’t go because he worked. At the party, there were boys who flirted with me, but I let them know that I had a boyfriend. One of the boys supported his head on his shoulder, so I gave him the water to help him feel better. However, he published the video of the two in his history of Snapchat, and his ex, who was my friend at that time, saw him at 3 in the morning
I didn’t know he published it until I was told the next day. When he saw her, he became very jealous and told my boyfriend that he was sitting on his lap. She was not at the party, but saw her in her history of Snapchat. My boyfriend was devastated and made me a text message saying, “We have to talk.” I was very confused and I’m not sure what was happening. He asked me questions about my sitting on a boy’s lap. I said, “This never happened.”
In the end, I told her that I can happen with anyone who wants and that I should trust me.
Avance quickly this past summer. I met another guy I befriended with. I was sexually attracted to him, but I never acted. Throughout the summer, I became close friend with him and the feelings went because of our friendship. This was the only boy, apart from my boyfriend, whom he had a sexual attraction. In the meantime, my boyfriend has had sexual attractions for many other girls. I was fine with this because it is normal and never acted on them.
I talked to my boyfriend about my sexual attraction for this other boy, but I was still confused because I did not know that at that time it was a sexual attraction. In addition, we share personal things like this between us; We are the best friends. However, the situation is still raised among us about my friends and I’m not sure what to do. We recently had a conversation about it to return to work. He knows that he needs to work on his insecurities about my friends, but it is exhausting to have these conversations over and over again because I feel he does not trust me. I want to be with him the rest of my life. I have no interest in any other boy.
Is it okay to be a friend of the boys and to spend with them as I can with my girlfriends? How can I get my boyfriend comfortable and trust me again? What can I do to improve this situation?
—In friends
Dear friends only: Yes, it is OK to be a friend with someone in the opposite genre, as long as the rule is applied both ways and do not get jealous if you have girls as friends. Trust is gained when your actions fulfill your words. Trust takes years to build -and according to breaking.
Everyone has sexual fantasies that do not need to explain to the world. Being at a party at night where boys are flirting with you is asking for problems, especially when your boyfriend had to work that night. It seems that the two are very close, you are both good, really trying -and when you see the world from the point of view of the other, there is a lot of love and support. Continue to build –
“How can I forgive my partner partner?” It is outside now! Annie Lane’s second anthology, with preferred columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation, is available as paperback and electronic book. Call http://www.creatorspublishing.com For more information. Send your questions to Annie Lane to Dearannie@creators.com.
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