Dear Annie: For 32 years, I have been married to a wonderful partner that comes from a loving family. There was a crisis a year ago when my spouse was in business, and while working to return home, our families increased to support us. A relative of my partner showed a particular concern, which surprised me. I care about this individual, but we were never especially tight. I sincerely appreciated his help and offered similar support if needed, and his tone curiously changed.
Shortly before my partner’s return, this relative requested the private “support” I had promised: they confessed that they were attracted to me and wanted a secret relationship. I was morally offended and I didn’t see how they thought I would agree. Apart from loving my partner, I’m fashionable. In my opinion, I have no closed mentality that infidelity is simply wrong and I do not need to explain why. I kept calm and reformulated them, and they seemed to resign. Later, they reappeared to remember the “sacrifice” of their “support” during my spouse and my hard and failed time me As for their feelings and for not being discouraged (he had caught them in recent years, but he acted on purpose to avoid the hassle and, at that time, I informed my spouse).
I am not responsible for the feelings of this person and I think he did not resort to these non -foundation claims. We both volunteered insults, ending with their vote to ruin my marriage; I then slandered my partner and their family, excavating an unrelated disagreement and solved to “prove” those lies. His campaign went nowhere, but the exchange left me mortified.
This relative and I were never underway, but his cruelty – it hurts my partner and my family as much as I – is inexcusable. I informed my partner of the provocative event and we have kept it with each other to hurt without hurting others loved with their own struggles that do not need more drama. It is understood that this relative is happening a lot and cannot be put in heart, and I think this is enough. However, I am trying to reconcile -with the breakdown between myself and someone I have called the family for many years. I see them at meetings now and I don’t know how to act. They keep their distance. They may be embarrassed (or not) in silence. Even if they tried to fix what they did, I don’t know if this betrayal may or should be fixed.
With the risk of Sonar Haughty, my partner’s options and my lives have left us more achieved than this family member. I maintain professional behavior and I can indefinitely. It is bad to be close to them. I can’t see them the same way. I am advising my own benefit (not specifically for that). I have discussed it there and the best solution of my therapist is to continue to keep the distance. I do. I agree that these are serious personal problems, but the upset of their behavior is slow to dissipate.
Annie, highly value your perspective.
—Fidelity with shame and halted
Dear Fidelity Shamed: You have managed this situation as mature as anyone who could, closing what this family member proposed inappropriately and then being honest with your partner about what happened. In order for them to point out their finger and try to demolish your character and your marriage says everything about who they are.
A betrayal, especially a family member, is painful, but you have no obligation to reconcile things. I am echoed the advice of your therapist to maintain your distance and prioritize your peace.
“How can I forgive my partner partner?” It is outside now! Annie Lane’s second anthology, with preferred columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation, is available as paperback and electronic book. Call http://www.creatorspublishing.com For more information. Send your questions to Annie Lane to Dearannie@creators.com.
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