Dear Abby: My husband has a friend with whom he grew up. They have exchanged “Happy Birthday” texts for many years. However, they have recently begun texting more often. An example: One night he mixed a drink and made a text message on whether he used Pepsi or Coke.
His birthday, I saw his text and saw that he had two heart emojis on both sides of his message. That bothered me a lot, and I told her that her flirting through text messages needed to stop. He says I am not reasonable and does not do anything wrong. This has caused a break between us.
Abby, am I reasonable? I saw a therapist who said that my husband has an emotional relationship with this woman and that he had every right to be annoying. The therapist also said that he should stop -because I am his wife and sees how much he bothers me. My husband’s response? “Well, you told the therapist your side of the story to the therapist.” We have been married 18 years and together for 24 years. She is a good partner, and I love her. What is your advice?
—Susplicit in Iowa
Dear suspect: Your husband had a point where he said that your therapist has only heard one side of the story. You have been married to a “good couple” for 18 years and together for 24 years. If your husband has not shown signs of losing itself earlier, it is unlikely to do anything but communicate with an old friend. The hearts included in a text message may seem effusive, but they are not necessarily statements of romantic love. Some joint sessions with an impartial marriage and family therapist can help calm your fears. I really recommend it.
Dear Abby: I’m in a warm and loving relationship. We have been together 20 years. We were both married to horrible people before. We both said at first that we did not want to marry us again. However, as we grow old and my health is not so good, I would like to marry -with him.
I have suggested a couple of times that I would like a ring for Christmas or my birthday. Nothing has happened. How can I do – Also, if you are against marriage, how can I talk to him about power and things?
—Eye to the Future in Mississippi
Dear Eye: A ring should be the least of your concerns. It’s been a serious conversation for some time now with your partner. If he had a medical emergency, would you like to make medical decisions about his care? The same goes for financial decisions. Do you have a will? Do you do it?
Both should talk about this with a lawyer who can guide you. You must also have health care directives and share them with your doctor. If, after twenty years with you, this man is still a marriage-phobic, there are ways to protect himself that they do not involve a trip to the altar. Start exploring them now.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Burn, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by his mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.dearabby.com or Pobox 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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