Dear Abby: I am a widow of two decades who has raised a family in an old historic house in a small island town. During the renovation and maintenance of the house, a father and son team of electricians has been like a family.
Over the last year or so, Dad, who is over 70 (older than me) has started making unwanted romantic overtures in the form of texts, emails, phone calls, dinner or cocktail invitations suggestive or kind and professions of harboring “secret fantasies” while working for me over the years. What’s even worse is that his romantic partner of decades is in the middle stages of dementia.
I find this annoying and insulting, and have politely discouraged or tried to deflect his overtures with humor. Fortunately, he doesn’t live on the island, but if he sees my car in town, he asks me to meet him for a “quick hug.”
Electricians of his caliber are rare, and I really can’t afford to lose him. Their moonlighting rates have always been a “friends and family” deal. Her son has taken a job with a big outfit and is rarely available. How do I pull the plug on dad’s amorous advances without him blowing a fuse?
— Extinct in Maine
Dear Extinct: Tell this man in plain English that you think he’s a great friend, but that you’re morally opposed to getting romantically involved with anyone whose partner is sick. You need to hear it.
Dear Abby: My mother and two sisters are constantly complaining about their physical ailments. None of them have been evaluated or diagnosed by a doctor. They have repeatedly tried to treat themselves with outdated advice and solutions that are not supported by scientific information.
I have tried to convey to them the importance of proper nutrition and resistance training, as building and maintaining muscle is so important as we age.
Abby, I’m no expert, but I have transformed my body and my life with these simple rules. My mom and sisters are so defensive and dismissive of my advice, I’ve almost stopped trying to talk to them.
If they won’t at least try something new to feel better, how can I deal with their constant complaining? Do I keep suggesting the same things to them? Do I ignore their complaints?
— Family helper in California
Dear Helper: Because trying to guide your mother and sisters to a healthier lifestyle has not worked and has become a source of frustration for you, stop trying to help. You have been discovered, and your efforts are wasted. A step in the right direction would be to ignore their complaints and change the subject instead of giving them advice they won’t follow.
Dear Readers: Oh, how fast the past year has gone by! I wish you all a happy, healthy and successful 2025. I join you tonight in toasting a New Year that will be full of hope for us all. If you celebrate tonight, take steps to protect not only your health but also the safety of others. Happy New Year everyone!
“Enchanted, Abby.”
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, aka Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or POBox 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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