Dear Abby: A year ago, I discovered that my husband had been cheating on me with multiple women for over a decade and kept two of his conquests all that time. She also sent all our savings to her friends in another country. Since we have two disabled adult children and one neurotypical adult child, I decided to stay in the marriage.
A year later, I’m still struggling. I actually feel worse. I barely sleep and have developed severe anxiety. I have no one to talk to about this because I am ashamed and humiliated by what he has done to our family. To protect my children, since they would suffer needlessly if they knew about his infidelity, I put on a facade and pretend everything is fine.
I’m desperate to sleep, but all I do is cry and walk around my house at night. My husband puts all the blame on me, which makes me feel so betrayed and hurt that I don’t know what to do. What are the steps I need to take to put this behind me and move forward without having to repeat it in my head all the time?
– Rocked World in California
Dear Rocked World: Your first step should be to talk to your doctor about what has happened, and then seek a referral to a licensed mental health professional. It’s important to have someone to talk to because being silent is making you sick.
Telling the truth won’t reflect badly on you. Your children have nothing to gain by being kept in the dark. When your husband drained your bank account, he was hurting them financially just like you were. Once you are emotionally stronger, consult an attorney and take that person’s directions on how to protect yourself and your children.
Dear Abby: My mother and I have an extremely difficult relationship. She wants to treat me like a child, even though I’m 66 years old. My husband and I do a lot for her and her husband as they are in their mid 80’s.
Thanksgiving was a disaster, and we no longer want to spend the holidays with them. She asks everyone but me why I’m mad at her. When I tried to explain to him in a letter how his actions affect me, he got defensive and called it “hateful”.
I don’t like confrontations. I’m like a deer in the headlights and I can’t think of anything to say to him. How can I let her know we plan to spend the holidays alone now without her feeling like we hate her?
— Sun in the south
Dear Sol: I see no reason to tell your mother that you won’t be spending any more vacations with her and her husband. If he asks, say you’ve made “other plans” and won’t be available. If she accuses you of hating her or being mad at her, tell her for the reasons stated in your LETTER, it has become too stressful.
If your mom complains to the rest of the family, as she probably will, explain your reasons for skipping the stressful vacation and tell them they can tell her because every time you’ve tried, she ignores you .
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, aka Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or POBox 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
COPYRIGHT 2024 ANDREWS MCMEEL SYNDICATION