Dear Eric: I was riding my bike when, unbeknownst to me, my wallet fell out of my pocket. My driver’s license, credit cards and about $200 in cash were in the wallet. Later that day I got a phone call from a cyclist who found my wallet on his ride and said he could come pick it up. What, if any, reward would be appropriate? I donated a $30 bottle of wine.
— Grateful cyclist
Dear Cyclist: How fortunate that your path has crossed with such a good fellow citizen! Etiquette experts agree that the amount of a reward in situations like this is really up to you. People often consider the amount of money in their wallet or their own personal financial situation. If you don’t have cash, a gift or some other gesture is perfectly fine. So the bottle of wine you gave works. My only suggestion, though, would be that if this happens again (fingers crossed, the wallet stays in the pocket from now on), check with the recipient to make sure they drink wine. It’s the thought that counts, but you don’t want your grateful efforts to put someone else in an uncomfortable or dangerous situation.
Dear Eric: I wanted to offer some solidarity and support to “Used to be Dad”, a gay father whose teenage son changed his name from “Dad” to his first name on the teenager’s cell phone.
I am also a married gay man with three teenage children adopted through the foster care system. We tried “Father X” and “Father Y” with first initials, to no avail. We finally found out that we are both fathers. If both parents are in the same room when they ask something, one of us answers. If they wanted a response from the person who didn’t respond, they’ll say, “I meant to be called another parent,” or our first name. Love is still always there, and the nomenclature of their phones is not so important in the long run.
—Father and/or another parent sometimes
Dear Parent: This is a useful lesson that can be applied to so many situations. Often, it’s not the name that makes the difference, but the relationship and the feelings involved.
(Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or PO Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.)
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