Dear Abby: “Looking for Mom in Chicago” (Aug. 16) She was worried that the 69-year-old mom wouldn’t go out and socialize now that she’s moved in with them, and she was worried that they were her only support. as it ages. They also said that she has always been shy.
As a nearly 70-year-old introvert, I understand how her mother feels. Moving to a new place with no friends isn’t exactly bad when you’re an introvert. I get all the socializing I need when I go into town to shop and talk to familiar employees.
Forcing an introvert into unfamiliar situations is stressful for the person. It’s a terribly awkward situation. People need to realize that there are people out there who actually ARE just fine in their own company.
— Cathy in Wisconsin
Dear Cathy, Thank you for giving us your insight. Other readers who have been there have also shared their experiences. Continue reading:
Dear Abby: As a social worker who has worked with the elderly for years, I guarantee that “Looking’s” mother will not respond well to or comply with being told she “has to” make friends and interact with others. He may be grieving the loss of his friends back home, his former religious community, and more. Maybe he needs time to reconcile all this. If she’s active, staying healthy and taking care of herself, let her decide when she’s ready to stretch and expand her circle.
Friendships and social activities cannot be forced. They are produced organically. Instead of her son and daughter-in-law dictating what she should do, how about sitting down with her and gently exploring how she’s adjusting and how they can help her in a more supportive way?
—Silver hair in Massachusetts
Dear Abby: You were on the right track in suggesting that “Mom” become a volunteer. Volunteering allows the person to get involved to the degree they want in their areas of interest. I joined a therapy dog group in my hometown. Provides occasional short-term visits to hospitals, rehabilitation centers, nursing homes, school campuses, businesses and manufacturing facilities. The focus of dog therapy is primarily on the person being visited, but EVERYONE benefits.
—Give to South Carolina
Dear Abby: May I suggest getting mom’s hearing tested? Not being able to hear what’s going on discourages people from joining and getting involved in the group setting.
—Margo in Illinois
Dear Abby: You might add, on Shy Mom’s behalf, that taking an adult education class or two in the local community, on topics that interest her, will give her access to potential friends. Better yet, he can be in class, but he’s not forced to interact with “strangers” unless he wants to.
—John J. in California
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