Dear Eric: I am a 75-year-old amateur songwriter who likes to record what I write. I am also a widower for three years. When my wife of 42 years was alive, I wrote songs for her and about us. I would record them at home and send the recordings to our boyfriends and in-laws who always responded positively.
I received great joy in sharing my love for my wife and my musical talent.
I now have a live-in girlfriend whom my children and family embrace. Everyone says they’re happy that I’m happy and with someone who’s a good fit.
Now my songs are about her and us. I recently (naively?) sent the first of the new recordings to the usual recipients and am worried about doing it again.
One son’s cryptic response prompted me to call him to discuss it. Even though he wants me to be happy, he really doesn’t want to hear my songs about embracing someone new. My other son accepted more, but less than before. My brother-in-law said he could only listen to half of the song because he is still mourning the death of my wife.
Now I feel like a songwriter who can’t share my songs with the people who matter most in my life. Of course we’ve all talked about this, but that doesn’t solve my problem. Isn’t my only answer to share this joyous music with my loved ones?
— Music of the heart
Dear Music: I just have to say, it’s wonderful that you are not only a skilled communicator in song, but also in conversation. You’ve saved yourself and everyone else some of the pain of miscommunication by proactively reaching out to your children and in-laws.
Right now, your loved ones may not be the best audience for the music you’re producing. But your music will continue to evolve and their ability to receive it can too. Because the joy of your songs is also intertwined with pain, it will take time.
See how it feels to change your audience in the moment; maybe these are just songs for your girlfriend or other close friends. Also consider an experiment: try expanding the theme for a song or two. Maybe there is something else that inspires you to write. And your loved ones can have the opportunity to hear it and maintain that connection.
I know this situation may feel like rejection in the moment, but know that this is part of the process. The album is not finished.
(Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or PO Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.)
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