Dear Eric: Sitting there bored and waiting to be ignored is me at gatherings like meals or parties. I have poor hearing even with well-fitting hearing aids. I usually can’t follow a person. And the groups never.
I would rather be reading or busy with some hobby, but that would be impolite and inconsiderate of the guests. Bad! But they’re being inconsiderate of me, and somehow that’s okay?
My wife helps me by repeating passages or the occasional question if I am asked one. Avoid these situations? I do it when I can. Otherwise, the only solution that seems acceptable is for him to waste an hour or two sitting in noisy silence trying to appear awake and involved: laughing, smiling, or frowning when others do. Even that fails if I misread the crowd. Do you have any ideas?
– Happy sun
Dear Happy: It is not inconsiderate to consider the body you are in and the things you need. This may look like telling your wife that social gatherings are for you. Which is fine, as long as you’re happy doing other things. If he doesn’t accept it, you can talk about it, but you can also be firm. This is what feels good to you.
Another option is to restructure the gatherings to better accommodate you, like your friends and loved ones.
(Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or PO Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.)
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