Of all the things you’ve written, which ones resonated with you the most?
Being something from my three Blackadder series. This is one thing that has really entered the culture. I think the thing I’m most proud of is how both Young and Blackadder really flowed into the language. You don’t hear so much quotes but using his rhythm – like: “You are so small as the smallest that got a step in the small.”
My language is love. That I can hear the rhythms I remember still echoing in Australia and British English growing up is a source of great joy to me. But yes, at each station, people come up to me and say, “I’m looking forward to a little rat souffle for you tonight.” And I do not know what he is talking about.
Is it true that Blackadder stopped in part because the cast wanted to constantly rewrite your jokes and Richard Curtis’ jokes, which meant the narrative got a little bit of time?
We are all still best friends. I saw Rowan [Atkinson] Only two days ago, Richard wrote to me yesterday. I see Stephen [Fry] and Hugh [Laurie]. We are all close. But there was a kind of tension – an inexplicable kind of deconstruction that tended to be very frustrating. There would be 20 minutes of discussion about one syllable, or a discussion about something, is a fly or a gerbil a small animal that has a Cambridge degree?
Richard and I always wanted them to read the written script before discussing whether a certain line worked. We’d like to read the first one, and light up the cigarettes and see Stephen and John Lloyd all slightly saddened by some bits and pieces. It just went off at the end, but Richard sat through it all. And indeed Richard wrote Four weddings and funerals and Love reallyI do not think that the ability to write should be sought.
Everyone involved was a very creative person. There is no doubt that each of the two lines came from the cast, but the other 250 lines were written. While there were moments of irritation, the process was great. We were friends and remained friends all our lives. That’s enough. I don’t know how many sitcom teams have been as close as those.
It’s the fifth time Blackadder has swum to be set through the Russian Revolution or even head to space. If you were to make the fifth Blackadder, what would you do?
We were able to make some time. It would be nice to do something. I recently did The Raven Upstart, which was a Shakespeare sitcom set in the world of the 16th century. But the fifth series won’t be Blackadder, I think that’s pretty certain. It makes no difference. I don’t think any of us do, except for Tony [Robinson]. But if we did, the world would be an oyster. We could have fun all the time.
If you were to fight a nobleman, who would you fight, how would you fight, or would you win?
I already had my biggest competition: the Pop Quiz game with Brian May the first time I met him. We found ourselves in the back of the tour bus of the 80s Comic Strip Slander of the great metal band Bad News. We had a lot of fun trading trivia about early 70s UK glam rock and it ended with Brian rue admitting that I knew more than him, even though I was actually there and had supported Queen Slade on two tours. Ten years later I got to work with Brian on We have you. I was a very lucky baron.
You wrote a song for in the Wiggles. How does he write a song for the Wiggles?
This is the gift that keeps on giving! I get a royal check every year, which counts for a very decent meal. She is so beautiful. The Wiggles are all my friends.
What happened was I wrote a movie for them but we couldn’t get the funding from the Australian screen. This was about 15 years ago [yellow Wiggle] Emma had occupied it before. But I knew the original four guys because, when my kids were young, he used my celebrity status to get us back on stage. My wife, Sophie, got to know two of them because her band, in Jam Tarts, sometimes shared a gig with two Wiggles when they were born at Cockroaches in the 80s.
I’m sorry I didn’t make the movie, I think it was really good. A typical children’s movie, which is a bit like Barbie or Peter Sellers Be There – The Wiggles leave their magical world and the world in this lovable, in this lovable, simple way, because they are naturally, they are good in themselves. With great songs.
Anyway, we became friends, and they sent me a nice message and said, do you want to do the lyrics? It took me an hour and now I’m on the list of Aria-winners. As I said, I check every year, but I would be friends with them even if I wasn’t on the payroll.
What is your opinion on pop culture controversy?
I don’t think Harold Pinter was the best novelist. I don’t think he ever wrote a funny line. These controversies are considered; I know most people would disagree. I never check other artists now – I had a lot of it myself, and I did some when I was young, but I never do that now. But Pinter is dead and he’s a Nobel laureate, so I think he’ll probably handle a little bit of British standing.
When you stand up, how do you handle hecklers?
I don’t like hecklers and I don’t encourage them. I know comedians have a lot of power in crowd work, but that’s not what I do. I write by practice. I think it’s difficult to say what I want to say, how I try to reach different climaxes in a comic rhythm. Interjections are like someone crying in the middle of a story. Part of the equation is their audience’s smile.
Very rarely do I meet hecklers. Please, careful readers, do not view the invitation. I had one heckler in the last 67 days of the road. They were supportive, though. Probably reads the keeper.
He was your third brother Olivia Newton-John. Ever had intercourse?
Very sadly we did not. I’m a huge fan. As a child growing up right in the 70s, I thought that – You think it’s right to say that about a third cousin, right? He was an incredible artist. He had one of those voices that you instantly know. We almost met several times, the two of us exchanged email. But he lived in LA and in Britain a lot so it never happened. I think I always will. I regret that I never met her, because I can see a really great force in the world and a really sweet spirit from everyone.
His grandfather was a famous Jewish scientist, Maximilian Born. He is my uncle. It gives the lie to all notions about gender, because if ever there was a classic blonde, eye-catching, Aussie beauty, it was her – but hey, we’re all mixed up.
You wrote the sitcom Madness and the musical for Rod Stewart and Queen’s. What other musical acts do you love to write for the show?
We even got a pilot for Fury, but their star was falling slightly and the BBC couldn’t see a future in it. The first time Richard and I worked together. If it did, there would never have been a Blackadder. I don’t think they happen for a reason but sometimes they work.
i love pop It’s a big deal for me. It’s not a big body pop that doesn’t work to be held. But I don’t know if I’ll ever make another musical. I proudly call jukebox music, which critics see as a term of derision. But jukeboxes are wonderful. They are the storage of people’s dreams and memories.
Theater allows us to experience pop music live again, in a way that the rock industry doesn’t anymore. The rock pub is dying and the arena shows are anodyne and sanitized experiences. So if you watch a show like We Rock You or Mamma Mia! you get to experience some of the greatest works of the liberated people of the 20th century live. Yeah, she’s not a queen either Abba but playing it is a wonderful experience. Mamma Mia! it’s a work of magnitude – the perfect story with the perfect pop music.
What song do you want to be your funeral?
I don’t know how to organize my own funeral. I think death fetishise. He helped me more fervently with his spontaneous help in dying. If you can make up your own mind, you’ll be able to do well, in my opinion. I watched my parents die so slowly and miserably, surviving 15 to 20 years longer than my parents did. Now medical science is pushing longevity far beyond any ability to truly enjoy life and we think we need a much more mature discussion about this whole business.
At a funeral, the dead person is usually the last person to vote, either at the banquet or at the banquet. So I don’t have any song – all I want to do is put myself together in a friendly way.
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Ben Elton is touring his Authentic Folly show around the UK in January and February, then Australia in March and April; see here for dates