Dear Annie: My husband and I, plus our four children, currently reside in a first-floor apartment. I love this because I don’t have to tell the kids to tiptoe everywhere so as not to disturb the downstairs neighbors. However, our university neighbors upstairs are extremely heavy and always sound like they’re on an expedition. We only talked to them once while they were having a video game party and asked them not to stomp every time someone won or lost. They were fine with it and calmed some down.
Recently, one of the young men in the apartment got a girlfriend. Their adult activities can be heard loud and clear in the room my husband, our baby and I share. This often wakes up the baby and causes neither of us to sleep. Their bed is very, very crisp, and their voices carry through clearly. The activities take place every night at 10, every morning at 5, 6 or 7, and now also every afternoon. I don’t know what to do.
– Exhausted mother
Dear Exhausted Mom: If you don’t feel like another face-to-face interaction, you can try leaving a note to your neighbors or taking your complaints to your landlord or property manager. Most resorts have specified quiet hours which this unit certainly does not meet. As awkward as a confrontation like this might be, who knows, you might be doing the whole building a favor by speaking up.
Dear Annie: My husband and I will be married 47 years on December 2nd. My heart is broken because I have been in remission from acute promyelocytic leukemia (APL) for two years now, but I still have many medical problems due to the arsenic chemotherapy treatments I was on for over two years.
My memory problems are the worst. My short-term memory is completely gone, along with some of my long-term memory. I repeat some of my questions to my husband and daughter. Also, I say things over and over again. My husband especially very angrily tells me to shut up because he doesn’t want to hear me repeating questions or saying things constantly only to hear them again five minutes later. My doctors have said it’s just the long term damage from the chemo. There is nothing to fix.
I’m heartbroken because I can’t even talk in my house. I have remained silent and guarded, afraid to say anything. I spend my day doing my normal chores and answering any questions my husband or daughter might have, but that’s about it. I might as well have lost my voice because I’m not allowed to speak anyway. My therapist understands and constantly tells me that none of this is my fault. I never asked for that. But that doesn’t change the reality of my life. Any suggestions you could give me would be greatly appreciated.
– Cancer survivor with a broken heart
Dear Broken Heart: I am so sorry for everything you are going through. Your home and family should be sources of comfort, not stress and rejection.
In order for anything to change, you need to honestly and openly communicate how you feel to your husband. It’s worth asking if your therapist would be willing to see you both for a few sessions, or recommend a couples counselor who can. You can also find connection through a local support group with others in your exact situation who understand the extreme difficulties your diagnosis presents for you and you alone. I totally agree with your therapist that none of this is your fault, the way your husband treats you is not okay and you deserve to be heard and free to live in your own home.
“How can I forgive my cheating partner?” it’s out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology, featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication, and reconciliation, is available in paperback and e-book. visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.
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