Dear Abby: I recently ended an 18-year marriage that should have ended many years earlier. As I was deciding to leave, I met the most wonderful man, “Winston”. He treats me like a queen, the opposite of my ex-husband.
My old house was sold during a divorce proceeding and I took Winston up on his offer to move into an empty trailer on his property. We get along great, and I’m sorry we didn’t meet years ago and have a life together.
Winston is my best friend. He has been nothing but respectful since our meeting a year ago. We didn’t take our relationship to the next level until my divorce was final six weeks ago. I’ve been in the trailer for three months and I’m very happy. He lives next door in a house with his sister. Neither she nor he has ever married.
We’ve already talked about marriage. He would like us to get married in about six months. I was thinking of COMMITTING in six months, simply because I need time to breathe and I’ve been through a lot of moving, changing my name, changing my address, etc. This has now caused a rift in our relationship.
I told Winston that I DO want to get married, but I haven’t even been divorced for two months. I need more time to adjust to such a different and more normal relationship. He previously told me “no pressure” and he knows I need time, so I was a bit overwhelmed when he expressed that he wanted to MARRY in six months.
I don’t think I’m being unreasonable, am I? What should be my next step? I want to live with him, but I’m not ready so soon.
— Pause to breathe in the east
Dear Pause: You are fresh out of an unhappy marriage. You met Winston on the bounce. You need time to recover and establish who you are before committing to another marriage. You said that after you told Winston to take your time, he created a “rift.” That’s a huge red flag, and it doesn’t bode well for a marriage with him.
People are advised not to make major decisions for a YEAR after a traumatic event. I agree with that. Get to know Winston AND HIS SISTER much better before walking down the aisle. I would also advise you to find a place other than his trailer to live so you can learn to be independent again.
Dear Abby: I am a lonely girl without many friends. The friends I have I hold on to tightly. One of them is now moving to a different state. He said we would keep in touch and he would see her again before he left, but she hasn’t been returning my calls or texts. She hasn’t spoken to another friend either. My mom says I should stop calling her and she will answer when she gets a chance. what should i do
– Lonely friend in Virginia
Dear Friend: Your mother is a wise woman. There could be more than one reason why your friend hasn’t responded to your efforts to reach out. She might be busy. She might have separation anxiety, just like you. Or she could feel suffocated and overwhelmed. Listen to your mother and take a step back.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, aka Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or POBox 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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