Dear Annie: I have been dating a wonderful man for three years. He is everything I could want in a partner, and I am very happy with him. He came out of a long-term marriage that ended in divorce, while I lost my spouse to cancer shortly before we met. For the first year, we kept things casual, but we’ve gotten serious about a long-term relationship over the past two years.
Here’s the problem: He says he wants to get married eventually, but his actions don’t line up with that. After three years together, I’d think he’d be ready to take that step if he really wanted to. I, on the other hand, do want to get married again at some point. Other than that, our relationship is exceptional; we share great chemistry, an emotional connection and similar interests. He is the greatest love of my life, and I don’t want to jeopardize what we have.
That said, I also feel that I deserve a partner who doesn’t hesitate to commit to marriage when the time comes. I don’t believe in giving ultimatums, but I’m struggling to reconcile staying with someone who may never want to get married. What would you do in my situation?
– Stay or go
Beloved, Stay or Go: If marriage is really important to you and you feel that he may not share the same desire, it is essential to have an honest and serious conversation with him. Take some time to reflect on why marriage is so important to you at this time in your life.
You’ve described a relationship with so many wonderful qualities: great chemistry, emotional connection, and shared interests. These are things that many married couples would like to have. It sounds like you’ve built something really special together.
Keep an open mind and focus on maintaining clear and honest communication. You may find that your relationship can continue to thrive, whether or not marriage is part of the equation.
Dear Annie: I broke up with my ex-boyfriend about two years ago after being together for a little over 20 years. Now we are both grown up. Despite the breakup, I’ve continued to reach out to him from time to time when I need certain things, and he always comes back. The pattern is predictable: I call him, we reconnect, eventually I get frustrated or annoyed, and then we stop talking again.
The truth is that I don’t love him anymore, but he insists that he still loves me. I think I keep going back to it because it feels familiar and safe, and I know for a fact that it hasn’t been with anyone else.
Here’s my dilemma: I’d love to find real love again, but at my age, the thought of starting over seems overwhelming. How can I break this cycle with my ex and open myself up to someone new? Is it even possible to find meaningful companionship at this stage of life?
– At this stage of life
Dear Life Stage: Yes, it is absolutely possible to find love as an adult! Age is just a number, and you’re only as old as you feel. Start by focusing on what makes you feel young, happy, and confident. If finding a new relationship sounds like fun, embrace it wholeheartedly.
While the comfort and familiarity of your on-again boyfriend may be tempting, remember that anything truly worthwhile takes time and effort. It’s natural to be hesitant when starting something new, but once you take the leap and open yourself up to new experiences, you may find that it’s not only rewarding but also fun.
Start by exploring ways to meet new people: join local groups, try senior dating apps, or take up activities and hobbies you’re passionate about. These are great ways to connect with others who share your interests and outlook on life.
Love has no expiration date. By stepping out of your comfort zone, you may find that the best chapters of your life are still ahead of you. Take the first step – you deserve it.
“How can I forgive my cheating partner?” it’s out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology, featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication, and reconciliation, is available in paperback and e-book. visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.
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