Dear Abby: I have been with my partner for three years. We met on a dating site but didn’t get to meet often due to prior plans and vacations we both had scheduled. I have now discovered that his previous obligations were to another woman he was seeing.
Before we got intimate, which was six weeks into our relationship, I asked if he was dating someone else. He said no. I asked again and he said no. Even though we didn’t get to see each other often, I thought we were exclusive. Now I know he was seeing her for two months before we met and for three months after. He was also intimate with her. Abby, they went on a 10 day trip together two months after we met. He says he broke up with her shortly after the trip.
I’m sure he’s been faithful ever since. I discovered all of this by looking through his old emails. Otherwise, I would have continued to lie about it. I had asked him several times if he was traveling alone, and he always said yes. I fell in love with him and we have been living together for a year. It’s hard for me to forgive him and I don’t even know if I should.
— Deflated in Arizona
Dear Deflated: Your boyfriend has consistently lied to you about the fact that he was involved with another woman. If you hadn’t looked at their old emails, you still wouldn’t know the person you’ve been living with. Have you been checked for STDs? If you haven’t been, contact your doctor and make an appointment. You say you’re “confident” he’s not seeing another woman now. Why are you sure? This man has a wandering eye and has trouble telling the truth. If you are looking for a faithful husband, he is not.
Dear Abby: I had a facelift several years ago and am very pleased with the results. However, I don’t like to reveal this to people. I think it’s personal and my business, even if it’s obvious because of my age.
The problem is people feel the need to pry into my life for whatever reason, and once they logically find out, I become the subject of conversation and ridicule. I’ve been deeply hurt, embarrassed, and made a fool of multiple times, and I have no idea why anyone would care.
I respect and love my husband and I don’t flaunt men, but I have been accused of this. It hurts because I’m a “people person” and find criticism and teasing cruel. I’m at a loss as to how to handle this other than hiding in my house. Please give me some advice. thank you
— Looks good in New Jersey
Dear Looking Good: There is nothing shameful about wanting to look your best. Many women (and men) who can afford it take advantage of cosmetic surgery. You’ve already been “unmasked” by those jealous people, so you might as well smile, stand up straight, and do it. Since your outcome was so good, you may even offer to share your surgeon’s name. Hiding hasn’t worked, so come out and be proud. You paid for this face. Make it public!
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, aka Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or POBox 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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