Dear Abby: I just turned 29. My partner, “Jeremy”, and I have been together for six years and have talked about getting engaged. He set the timeline for an expectation of when he would propose at the beginning of our relationship: “at five or 30” (meaning either we’ve been together for five years or he hits 30). Both brands arrived last year, and I was hoping he would propose, but it didn’t happen. I’m mortified that people keep asking, “Why not?” I have no answer except that Jeremy is not ready.
He told me he wants to pay off some debt before buying a ring, but we’re both saving up and living well below our means, and I don’t want anything expensive. Jeremy is focused on his fitness and hobbies. I’m ready to buy a house, get married, maybe even start a family, but I feel like we’re stuck in the post-college lifestyle.
I’ve told Jeremy all of the above several times now, but it seems to fall on deaf ears. Otherwise, he tells me the commitment is already there and he’ll get to a place where he feels ready. He also told me that the only reason he would ever propose is because I want to, because it has no meaning or joy for him!
I am confused and worried that something is wrong with me to feel this way. All my friends are married. They have bought houses and are raising families. I’m tired of waiting for this train to arrive, and I resent that it didn’t stick to its timeline. Now I’m not sure I’ll say yes, even if I ask. Do I run for the hills or trust him to keep his word? He has always been honest with me.
– Waiting and waiting
Dear Expectant: When a man tells you that marriage has no meaning or joy for him and that he will propose when he feels ready but still isn’t ready after five years, you have some important decisions to make about your future. Trying to get a marriage proposal out of him because all your friends are married and have families doesn’t guarantee a happy marriage.
Tell Jeremy that you seem to be operating in different time zones, that marriage is very important to you, and that he hasn’t kept his word about the five years. So go ahead, so you don’t write about this same problem five years from now.
Dear Abby: Please help me save a very old friendship. I have a friend who won’t let me finish a story, comment, or reply. When I tried to be polite and said, “Please let me finish,” he got angry. We recently went out to lunch with another friend and she has done it again! How do I politely ask him to wait his turn?
—Edgewise word
Dear Word: Saying it in plain English wouldn’t be wrong. Do this right after you ask this woman why she thinks it’s necessary to interrupt you. (If the answer is that you kept the word too long, you’ll need to edit your friends list or your narrative.)
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