Dear Eric: Often the advice is to find or see a therapist. We live in a big city with an overwhelming number of options. Where do you start and how do you find the right person to suit your needs and personality?
– Search
Dear Searcher: Great question! Start by thinking about your goals. While you don’t need to have a clear idea of what the end result looks like, thinking about your hopes for a therapeutic relationship will guide your search.
Use a website like PsychologyToday.com to filter therapists in your area based on any criteria that are important to you, such as therapists who specialize in working with children or therapists who have experience with clients on the autism spectrum.
The wide range of filters can also help you reflect on other aspects of this relationship that may be important to you, such as race, religious affiliation (if any), and experience working with certain communities, such as the LGBTQ population.
Next, you may want to familiarize yourself with the different types of therapy that are offered. You don’t have to be an expert, of course, but it can be less daunting to Google some of the terms you’re not familiar with, like cognitive behavioral therapy or internal family systems. GoodTherapy.org has a wonderful introduction to some of the different types.
When you contact a therapist, they will schedule a 15-minute consultation, usually over the phone. This is a good time to get a feel for how this relationship might work.
Some questions to ask yourself:
- What type of therapy do you practice and can you give me an example of what it would be like in session?
- Do you work with an agenda in session and do you recommend doing “homework” between sessions?
- How often do you recommend meeting and working online or in person?
- Do you offer feedback and feedback during the session?
There is no correct answer. It’s more about finding a style and approach that works for you.
If it looks promising and you schedule an intake, don’t be afraid to keep asking questions and give feedback where appropriate. Also, be open to the possibility that you may not find a match that works for you right away. Therapists understand that this is a process that you are both contributing to. It’s okay to say, “this aspect doesn’t feel right; can we talk about it?”
As with any other relationship, professional or personal, it can take time to find your groove. Please don’t let any trial and error discourage you. It’s worth your time.
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(Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or PO Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.)
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